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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573048">illicit affairs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakashiit/pseuds/kakashiit'>kakashiit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Cheating, M/M, Songfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:47:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakashiit/pseuds/kakashiit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>yamaguchi knows what they're doing is wrong, he knows tsukishima would let him go without a fight, yet he keeps holding on.</p>
<p>[ songfic based on illicit affairs by taylor swift ]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>illicit affairs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Make sure nobody sees you leave</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>"Get home safe," Tsukishima breathes into Yamaguchi's ear, "your place, same time tomorrow." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, Tsukki," he leans into the fleeting warmth, wishing he could stay longer, even just for tonight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can't, though. Staying the night goes against the boundaries they set. Intimacy beyond the bedroom is forbidden. Plus, it would be far too dangerous; they'd be exposed if they didn't tread carefully. </span>
</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Hood over your head, keep your eyes down</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>He tells himself to be cautious as he leaves through the back door, making sure none of the neighbours had been curious enough to look out their bedroom window. </span>
</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Tell your friends you're out for a run</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>You'll be flushed when you return</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi's phone buzzes with multiple texts from Hinata, asking why he's still awake </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> jogging at this hour, especially with how dangerous the streets have become as they grew up. He can't help it, though. He's only got so much time left, and he's willing to risk it all for a few hours of fake love. </span>
</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Take the road less traveled by</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Tell yourself you can always stop</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>He takes a shortcut to his apartment, the one with flickering streetlights and cracks in the asphalt. His fear of wandering souls dressed in white have faded away a long time ago, along with the rest of his emotions. No ghost could be as scary as the fear of losing his lifeline. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the moon casts its light upon him, Yamaguchi wonders if it's still worth it. He shouldn't keep his hopes up. Tsukishima only loves him when he bends over, when he pretends to be someone else, when he pretends he isn't in love with his childhood best friend. Those hasty </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you'</span>
  </em>
  <span>s are only said in the heat of the moment, and neither of them dare to mention it after their sessions. </span>
</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>What started in beautiful rooms</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Back then, they'd giggle as Tsukishima pulls him into the hotel suite he'd booked for the night, the one with the King-sized bed and mesmerizing view of the city. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"This stays between us," the blond says into the freckled skin beneath him on the soft, white mattress. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Only us," Yamaguchi's smile is devious, menacing as he wraps those slender legs around Tsukishima, as if never letting him go. "Focus on me tonight."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I always do, baby," Tsukishima chuckles, silencing him with a hypnotizing kiss. </span>
</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Ends with meetings in parking lots</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Their secret relationship used to be exciting, thrilling, fulfilling. Yamaguchi would look forward to what five-star hotel Tsukishima would book for them every week. Now they just take turns discreetly entering and leaving their house or apartment, sometimes stopping at the trashy convenience store—the one with the ice cream machine that's been broken since high school—to buy more condoms and lube.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima used to treat him like a prince, like an angel too good for this world, like a god to be worshipped from head to toe. For once in his miserable life, he felt safe and loved in someone's arms, even if that someone wasn't his.</span>
</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>And that's the thing about illicit affairs</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>And clandestine meetings</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>And longing stares</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>His tears continue to fall even as he steps into his barely-lit apartment, locking the door behind him. What was he expecting? The thrill of these things all die eventually, like a wax candle left alight for too long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn't like Yamaguchi didn't know what he stepped into when he volunteered to be there for Tsukishima when Kageyama wasn't. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> suggested to be the temporary replacement of Tsukishima's constantly busy pro-player husband. Can you blame him, though? He has been there for Tsukishima ever since their childhood days, he knows Tsukishima better than anyone else, better than his damned husband.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yet Tsukishima isn't his. And they both know that. </span>
</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>It's born from just one single glance</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>But it dies and it dies a million little times</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>He'll never forget the glint in Tsukishima's eyes when the blond decided to take Yamaguchi up on his offer, the predatory smile that haunts his most intimate thoughts, the captivating smell of the same cheap cologne he's worn since they were kids. The first time felt like heaven; nothing could top the high he felt as their bodies melted into one, as the yearning, frustration, and lust overcame them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And it ended there. As time goes by, the spark dies just a little bit more; the candle starts dying out, left on its last inch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sinks onto the hardwood floor, knees to his chest. Hinata is still flooding his phone, asking him if he's okay. How can he be okay in this kind of situation?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's not like he can confide in Hinata about his affair with Tsukishima; he despises the thought of Kageyama being taken for granted as if he's just collateral damage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What would he do when Kageyama comes back home, though? When his dearest Tsukishima doesn't need him anymore? When he's all alone once again, with no one to pull him close and hold him until he falls asleep? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Would Tsukishima remember the way he melted into ecstasy when Yamaguchi went down on him? Would he remember the way those big doe eyes teared up as he buried himself deeply into that warm throat? Would he remember the way their breaths mixed as the world slowly turned into a flash of white? Would he remember the way they held each other, bathing in the afterglow, as if they were true lovers and not scum of the earth having fun at other people's expense? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or would he lock away those memories in his mind, never to see the light of day again? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For Yamaguchi, letting go of a forbidden love isn't easy when it's all he's ever known, all he's ever had. Who else would pick up the broken prices of his heart? No one else, that's for sure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me, Kei," Yamaguchi laughs bitterly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For Kei, he'd ruin himself a million little times. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tried writing songfics for the first time... folklore has me Feeling Things lately so i came up with this &lt;3 kudos are appreciated + my twt is @SHODAlME if u wanna interact !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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